it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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