Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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