when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
