yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
