How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
