we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
