Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need a beard to bite.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
