I don't remember. Are we still dating?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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