Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
