why didn't you poke me back
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize