I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
