How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
