her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
