I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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