SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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