walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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