these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
