Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
