I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
