I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
