community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
