i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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