dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
