1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You have to summon your inner elephant
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
why is half of my head shaved?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
