Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
