my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
