the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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