It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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