You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
