i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bring me that man meat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
