I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
