I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
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Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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