She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
