this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
