she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
