My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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