Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
