This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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