you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
