Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
