I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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