I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
