ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
