I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
