Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
