he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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