why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
