Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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