i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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