I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
