I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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