He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
