can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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