No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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