well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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