I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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