guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
