Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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