i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
