I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
