I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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