I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I cut my penus on the lid.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
