I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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